The Man

I am not a judgemental person, but sometimes when I see and hear the way some guys treat their partners (in public), I am disgusted.

Scenario #1. At Ethan’s soccer game on Saturday, I witnessed a conversation between a guy and his wife/girlfriend (the parents of one of the players on the opposing team). I didn’t want to hear the conversation, but since he was standing on one side of me, and she was on the other, I was quite literally stuck in the middle. I felt sad as the man angrily muttered a string of profanities about how unfair it was that HE had to take their toddler to the playground on the other side of the soccer fields, causing him to miss the first 10 minutes of his older son’s game. I was shocked to hear him complaining, as the woman was holding a newborn baby and obviously had her hands full.
But that wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was the way he looked at her. UGLY. Almost evil. A few minutes after he had finished his angry tirade, I (inadvertently) glanced in his direction. I actually felt physically sick when I saw the way he was looking at her, still muttering under his breath.

Scenario #2. A few weeks ago, we visited a craft fair in Whangarei. We sat outside in the sunshine while we ate our sausages and waited for the boys to have a turn with the paintball guns. Just along from us, a couple with a baby were having an argument about whether they should buy a particular item from one of the stalls. That in itself was pretty odd (pick your battles, people!) but what upset me was the way they spoke to each other. Complete nastiness.

I already know I am blessed to have a husband like Rob. But seeing the way some people treat their partners and children reinforces that fact.

My husband would never speak nastily to me. Not in public. Not in private. Not ever!

He has never (NEVER!) looked at me in a hateful way. In fact, I don’t think he has ever looked at anyone that way. He doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body.

He would not complain about “having” to look after the kids. He would just do it. And who said it was the mother’s job to look after all the children, all the time? Is the Dad not equally responsible? For us, it was a no-brainer that BOTH parents would be equally involved in the whole child-raising gig. After all, we were equally involved in the whole baby-making gig!

I know I’m not perfect. I get grumpy. I sometimes use a less than desirable tone of voice when I’m speaking to my husband or children. But I TRY not to. I work on it all the time. And I’m not afraid to apologise afterwards if I fail to keep things in check.

My husband doesn’t seem to have that problem. He is an extremely calm person, with a very even temperament. He never uses a nasty tone of voice. Sometimes he gets in a bit of a “teasing” mood, but it’s all in jest. And he certainly knows when NOT to pull that one (like, at a certain time of the month).

I really do pinch myself sometimes, wondering HOW I managed to get so lucky. How did I score a guy like Rob? How did I end up with somebody so kind, generous, thoughtful and respectful? HOW?

But then I realise that the “how” doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I appreciate him. What matters is that I acknowledge all the things I love about him. What matters is that I am THANKFUL for him.

And I am SO thankful.

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21 thoughts on “The Man

  1. Hannah, l’ve been thinking about the type of men/people you describe above a bit lately. Recently, we’ve witnessed similar behaviours and attitudes and the kids have seen and heard stuff out in public and asked questions because they have NEVER heard or seen hubby or I act in this way to each other, themselves, or others.

    EVERY day without fail I thank God for sending me my hubby. And yep, I pinch myself ALL.THE.TIME. re. having someone like my man when I see so much of what you have described everywhere!

    • I know. I’m really glad that my boys didn’t witness either of those scenarios. We haven’t had questions yet but I know they are coming, it’s only a matter of time before they DO see stuff and want to know why.

  2. That is so, so sad. Matthew couldn’t hurt me if he tried. In nine years of marriage he has NEVER said anything hurtful to me.

    Sadly, guys like Matthew and Rob aren’t the norm…

  3. Its horrible hearing how some people talk to those they supposedly love. I had an emotionally abusive husband who use to treat me like dirty constantly and when we finally broke up it was like someone had lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. although it left me a single mum with two very young boys, it was better for all of us and we were much happier. And I am very pleased to say that my boys have grown up to treat every lady in their life, be it mother, grandmother or girlfriend with utmost respect! And at the end of the day thats what its all about, if you cant respect others, how can you respect yourself?

  4. yeah I’m with you – there is NO NEED to talk to people like that….. and can I tell you one thing… your children hear and they COPY… I hear children at kindergarten all the time talk rudely/degrading to others and think where did you hear that kind of talk (and sadly sometimes) I then hear the parents and think “you have NO hope”
    sorry this has upset you…. words are so hurtful…. to everyone, even those who AREN”T choosing to listen **hugs**

    • It’s definitely sad when it starts to influence the kids. Even if it doesn’t result in them copying the behaviour, it has GOT to affect them emotionally! Listening to that all the time cannot be healthy.

  5. I know what you mean. I’m horrified at what some women/men put up with from their partners. Hey, we all have our bad days but even so.

    I’m glad of the values that our faith gives us to try and live by.

  6. Jay is the same way…I couldn’t even imagine. I find that my role is to NEVER, EVER, take him for granted. And if I never reach out in anger and say something hurtful to him, then why would he to me? It’s a two way street and so many people just don’t get that.

    Great post!

  7. You know what I so get that. I am lucky that I have Mike in my life. He is a lot like Rob, very patient and kind and understanding. He is a gentle soul who treats me like a princess. Sure we have bad days, who doesn’t? But even during those bad days we remember that we still love each other. Its sad when you hear conversation between people like you did. But for some people that is their reality. I am just thankful its not mine.

  8. Yip there are some not so nice people out there, and you you have a good man hold on to him tight with both hands. Love what you have and know that your and your family have better values than some of those around you

  9. I agree with Janine – I am glad I don’t have a relationship like that. I am an equal in our relationship. It takes both of us to raise our children and we are both having lots of fun doing that.

  10. What a great post and a wonderful tribute to your love. The older I get, the more I realize there are so many different types of love but the truest is the one that you describe, where the person is appreciative of the other, and always strives to be their best, but isn’t afraid to apologize when they haven’t been able to be their best. Yes, you really did get a wonderful man in Rob. I’m so happy for you every day my friend. But also, he made out pretty well too, never forget! :)

  11. You are very lucky Hannah … and it’s fantastic that you can recognise and appreciate it … what you said about the LOOKS from these men was soooo meaningful, it comes back to that old adage ‘actions speak louder than words’ … love only goes so far, respect is the key …

  12. I have to admit, I do struggle with my tone of voice when I’m speaking to my children, and usually I can hear my mother in my words and I shudder. I’m working on it, and whenever I think that my Mom passed it to me, and her mom passed it to her, I think ‘this stops HERE.’
    Good post Hannah.

  13. In response to ‘reply #16′ Ha ha, Rob, you’re loving this aren’t ya?? Well, good on you – nice to hear such sweet reports about my brother! Very proud.

  14. My wasband treats me better than your examples. Sarah’s hubby stayed up until 3AM last night tending Lilah who was being very fussy. He had to be up at 7AM but he did it because he wanted Sarah to get some rest. Sarah is like you with a husband who always treats her with the respect she deserves.

    This a a great post Hannah. I’m happy you have one of the good guys.

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