I don’t know about you, but my brain is constantly swirling with ‘stuff’. Thoughts, ideas, concerns, worries, dreams, plans, random musings … it never, ever stops.
One of my favourite things to say to my husband is: “It must be nice living in your head.” Not because I assume he doesn’t use his brain, but because I know for a FACT that he doesn’t have *quite* as many things knocking around in there, messing the place up. He seems to be remarkably clear-headed most of the time, while I quite often have a million things that I need to ‘brain dump’ somewhere … be it at work (writing manuscripts), in my diary/planner, at home (stuff the family need to know about, questions I need to ask them), at church, with friends (catching up! … which guys don’t seem to do in the same way as us girls … they just hang out and there’s not a huge amount of talking … seems rather nice and easy).
There is that other little thing, though. He doesn’t remember all the stuff I remember. Which means it’s not in his head to swirl around in the first place. He also doesn’t worry. About anything. No idea what that’s actually like, but it seems rather lovely.
When I go to bed at night, my head is full of All. Of. The. Things. The day just been, the next day, the coming week/month/year and beyond. What happened today? Why did that happen? Did I get everything right? (probably not). Did I do anything wrong? (fairly likely). If so, how do I fix it/stop worrying about/let it go? What do I have to remember to do tomorrow? What’s on my ‘to do’ list? How many errands do I need to run, and when will I do them? What do the kids have on that I need to remind them about? Does Tyler have an orthodontist appointment? Is there a mufti day they need $1 for? Have I filled in that permission slip? Is their homework done and in their bag? Has Ethan been revising for exams? How is it possible that I have a child old enough to be sitting EXAMS? Have they remembered about soccer/tag/refereeing/drums/pamphlets/athletics/youth this afternoon? Who is picking up who from what and when? We really should start a taxi company. We’re oh so good at it, albeit a little lenient when it comes to charging for rides.
So, what is it like to live in my head? It’s a bit crazy at times. Today is Friday (or at least it will be when this post gets published). It’s the Friday before a long weekend. I have next to NO plans. That should be an occasion for celebration! ‘No plans’ is a misnomer when it comes to my life. I always have plans. So many plans. Too many plans. I should be positively GIDDY with the anticipation of a weekend with barely any plans. I am, kinda. But part of me is also a little concerned. WHY do I have no plans? Something must have been forgotten! Shock, horror!
The thing is, I generally don’t forget things. I have an old school paper diary that I write everything in (if it wasn’t for the diary, I would definitely forget things … and be completely lost). When I say I write everything in my diary, I mean EVERYTHING. So many ‘to do’ lists. There’s one TV show that Rob & I watch religiously every week: Downton Abbey. It’s on Thursday nights on a channel that doesn’t have a ‘plus one’ version or an ‘on demand’ (online) service. We have a DVD recorder but it’s not a fancy one that you can programme to record every episode in a series. Ergo, if we don’t remember to watch the show at 8:30, we have missed it. We cannot catch up. Can you see where this is heading? That’s right, in my diary on Thursday nights I have the following entry: DA 8:30.
What is it about me that I a) actually write things like that in my diary, b) remember to write things like that in my diary and c) continue to exist without spontaneously combusting because my brain is too full? Like I said, it might be nice to live in someone else’s head for a day. It might be quieter in there. Less ‘soupy’.
I know many of you will be able to relate completely to what I am saying. You can relate, right? Please tell me you can. I’d feel much better about things if I knew I wasn’t alone in this. It feels like my brain is full, but I know that’s not actually the case. Brains are not like hard drives, with finite amounts of memory. They don’t really get full. I have learned over the years that a good filing system is crucial, and I think I have a pretty good handle on that. But there are days – and today just might be one of them – where the filing system gets a bit messy. A few cards haven’t been filed properly. They’ve just been thrown into the box, and now things are not fitting in a neat and orderly fashion.
So perhaps this weekend I will take some time to sort out that filing system. Give it a spring clean (good thing it’s still Spring). Tidy things up, put them away where they belong. Tick a few things off my empty ‘to do’ list, just so I can get the joy of seeing those tick marks. I love them so.
Maybe that will help get things back in order again. For a little while, at least. After all, DECEMBER is on its way. I absolutely adore December, but it does have a nasty habit of throwing up all over my diary and messing things up a little. School events and sports days and prizegivings and graduations and camps and work functions and parties and meetings and end-of-year get-togethers and planning and shopping, oh my! It’s worth it though, for what comes after all of that. CHRISTMAS! And NEW YEAR! And SUMMER! And HOLIDAYS! This year, I’m taking 3 full weeks off work for the first time in forever, which gives me a deliciously long break. I’ll be on holidays from 18 December until 11 January … can I get a high five, people?! My brain will most definitely be having a break during that time. Well, as much of a break as my brain can handle, right? ;-)