Love vs Romance

I regularly read The Word For Today, a daily devotional produced by Rhema.

I’m NOT one of those people who skips to the end of a good novel, to find out how it ends. I’ll admit that it’s tempting sometimes, but I don’t like to ruin the story. However, when it comes to reading The Word For Today, I tend to jump ahead and read a week’s worth of entries in one go. I then re-read them on the appropriate days, reinforcing the message in my mind.

Tomorrow’s entry is entitled “Debunking Marriage Myths“. It has some good stuff in it. The same kind of stuff that’s been percolating in my own mind lately. Because the piece fit so well with where my thoughts have been, I thought I would include it in this post (you know, the post I’ve been writing in my head over the past few days).

The myth of “viral love” insists that love is caught, much like a virus.
“Some enchancted evening” when you happen to be in the right place at the right time, it will zap you. You’ll “catch the bug” and enter a lifetime of unending bliss!
The trouble is, when we’re worn out taking care of children, two jobs and a mortgage, the “virus” subsides. In the whirlwind of dishes, nappies and daily routines, something has to give.
So romance vacates centre stage and reality takes over. When it does, we confuse romance for true love and mistakenly think it has moved out and that we need to follow it.
The truth is, love does not die because romance bows to reality. If two people who once “fell” in love are willing to “stand” together in love through the challenges and opportunities of family life, romance can grow again, stronger and more resilient than ever.
Love based solely on romance doesn’t work when “for better” meets “for worse”.
Romance based on a decision to love “till death do us part” is the only love that’s dependable, consistent and trustworthy.
Romance BRINGS us together, this kind of love KEEPS us together!

Romance is a bit like a drug (not that I’ve ever taken drugs) (Just clarifying). In those early stages of a relationship, it’s like being on a constant high (I’m guessing). When that high wears off, a lot of people think the love is gone. No, the love is not gone; the illusion is gone.

For me, romance is characterised by feeling excited, anxious, thrilled, nervous. Conversely, love is characterised by feeling safe, peaceful, secure, comfortable. Romance depends on moods, circumstances, expectations. It depends on everything except commitment. Love, on the other hand, depends on nothing but commitment.

Marjorie Holmes says, “Romance is flying; Love is a safe landing.”

I love that.

I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years. While my heart still skips a beat when he walks into the room, those soft, fluttery feelings are not what they once were. The butterflies have settled; in their place is a warm feeling of contentment. That’s love.

This is not to say that romance has vanished from my marriage – it definitely hasn’t! Romance and love can (and should) co-exist. But a relationship cannot be built on romance. When the bloom of romance fades, a relationship can only continue if there is love.

On my wedding day, I made a vow to my husband. I promised to love him through good AND bad, happy AND sad. I made a commitment to him that requires action on my part, and is not dependent on my feelings or moods.

I love the words of this song by Stevie Wonder:

From The Bottom Of My Heart

Me and my heart
Took a vow from the start
And a vow to my heart I can’t break

Seasons may come
And seasons may go
But know through every time and space
My love will always stay
Forever and always

From the bottom of my heart
I love you
I can say these words to you without delay
If you’re wondering just how long
I’ll love you
Try forever that’s how long
I’ll feel this way

Yes forever is how long
My love will stay
Forever is a long long time
But so what?