Sometimes we expect our relationships – at home, church or work – to be a constant support, unspoiled by conflicts, disappointments or imperfections. However, even those who love us deeply will not always meet our needs, understand our losses or flawlessly honour our gifts or values. And we won’t for them, either.

These times can be upsetting and stressful, yet we can learn to breathe deeply, reduce silent (or verbal) panic, and flex.

Genuine love accepts what the other person is able or willing to give at any given time. No matter what, our closest relationships and partnerships will eventually frustrate or disappoint us. Imperfect people living in a flawed world do not make perfect alliances, friendships, partnerships, marriages or families. They can make useful, loving, compassionate, encouraging partnerships and moments, but they will not be perfect all the time.

We may have believed that everything is either wonderful and perfect, or botched up and disastrous. But we’re learning that imperfection and excellence (or “good enough”) can co-exist. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful – and neither do our plans, work, relationships, emotions, bodies, churches, quiet moments or faith.

Isn’t that a relief? May we all learn to breathe deeply, trading our exhausting expectations for imperfect joy.

~ From “The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard To Make It Just Right” by Joan C. Webb.

Just a little something that helped me through today. And will hopefully help me through tomorrow, too.

For the very first time, I sent TWO boys off to school on the first day of Term 1. I was feeling pretty sad that it was time for them to head back; I have really loved having them home for 6 weeks, and I miss them heaps when they’re not here. But they were excited about going back, and seeing their friends.

Uniformed & sunblocked, with school bags, book bags and scooter (Tyler). Ready to walk to school on day 1.

They were both VERY excited about it, and more than happy to pose for photos.

We dropped Ethan off at his classroom first. He is in Year 4 this year, but he’s in a Year 3/4 composite class. He’s in a class with 3 of his best friends, and has a new first-year teacher called Miss Mannington. He was really excited to see Jimmy, Cian & Harry. All the kids LOVED their flip-top desks where they were asked to put their brand new stationery. Previously they have only sat at tables, and had tote-trays or cubbyholes for their stuff.

After saying goodbye to (a very happy) Ethan, we headed over to Tyler’s classroom. He’s in Year 1, and his teacher is Ms Sharman. He started to act a little shy once we got inside, but soon brightened up when we started looking around the room at the bookshelf, games, etc. He was happy to sit down and write his name on the sign-in sheet, and added a cute little smiley face at the end of his name.

Unfortunately, once the bell rang and it was time for the kids to line up for assembly, Tyler got pretty upset.
He clung to me, and said he didn’t want me to leave. Eventually the teacher had to hold his hand and practically drag him out the door. He was bawling his eyes out as they walked to the hall.

When I picked them up after school, both boys were BEYOND excited to tell me about their days. Tyler said, “I was sad at the start, but only for a very little time, and then it was GREAT!” and Ethan was nearly jumping out of his skin with excitement over his fabulous day. I went and had a little chat to Tyler’s teacher, who confirmed that he had only cried for a couple of minutes, and then never mentioned me again! I warned her that we may have a few mornings like that, and she said that wouldn’t be a problem, and she suspected there would be a few others in her class feeling the same way.

Tearful mornings are not a new thing for Tyler, or for me. We had quite a few when he started morning Kindy, and again when he started school last year (although he didn’t cry at all on his very first day of school, or for the next 3 or 4 days). We have successfully used a reward chart for him in the past, where he would get a sticker and a jellybean if he didn’t cry when I dropped him off. After getting 10 stickers, he could choose some kind of reward (usually a toy from the $2 shop). This has always worked brilliantly, so we have decided to start this system again. Hopefully we won’t have to do it for too long, just until he’s settled into his new classroom.

The day 2 drop-off was much better. I could tell Tyler was feeling anxious, and looked like he was trying to hold back the tears. I reminded him about the sticker and lolly, and he whispered, “it’s so HARD”. My heart was breaking, but I simply reassured him that he COULD do it. And he did.

The new few days/weeks might be a bit bumpy, but I know we’ll get through. At least he is always happy to go each morning, and obviously perks up fairly quickly after I leave. I know he is enjoying himself during the day, which makes me feel better about things.

So, all in all, a pretty good start to the school year for 2010! They both love school, love their teachers, and have plenty of good friends to play with. I think it will be a great year for them!

*WARNING, LOTS of photos!*

Another summer holiday at Hahei, done and dusted. This time we stayed for 9 days, instead of our usual 7. BLISS.

Hahei is truly beautiful. As the title suggests, I love it. It is one of my favourite places EVER (obviously, otherwise we wouldn’t keep going back year after year … 8 years and counting). I just love spending a whole week down there with my husband, boys, parents, sister and friends. It’s nice and relaxing to have the whole family there, and it means there are plenty of people around to entertain the boys. As a result, Rob & I get to have a break as well!

The day we arrived, I met up with Michelle, who was staying at the nearby campground and due to go home the following morning. It was great to finally meet her son Liam in person, and for Michelle to meet my (3) boys. We checked out her campsite, and she came and had a squizz at the house we rent.

This year, the boys loved having Emme to stay for some of the time (along with her parents, our friends Blair & Shelley). Emme is 6 months old and extremely cute. She loves the boys, and they love her. Especially Ethan, who seems to have a real fascination with babies.

Personally, I had a great time. Although I could have done without the nasty tummy bug which hit me on day 6, forcing me to spend all of day 7 in bed (while everybody else swam at the beach and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine). But it only lasted for a day or so, and I’m grateful that nobody else got sick.

We were SO blessed to have beautiful weather for the first week. While much of the North Island was experiencing thunderstorms, the bad weather seemed to just pass us by. We gave up looking at the weather forecast, because it was always SO wrong! The rain finally did arrive on Saturday (we came home on Sunday), but it was actually quite nice to have a break from the heat and sun. The boys tried swimming in the rain for the first time, and we all had a blast playing in the HUGE waves.

Here are some (okay, many!) photos from our holiday. Enjoy!

Hahei Beach

Water gun fights at the beach:

One of me – shock, horror! Tyler took this one.

Buildling sandcastles:

I swear, my boys would play on these rope swings ALL DAY LONG if we let them. Hahei beach has several different ones, and the boys love them all.

I didn’t edit the next photo at all, it just came out like this. I love it!

I love this one, too. Somehow I captured Ethan mid-air as he jumped off the swing:

Purangi Reserve

This estuary at the end of Cooks Beach is our favourite spot for the kids to swim. Tyler tried snorkelling for the first time, and LOVED it!
Those water wings he is wearing (which he has had since he was a toddler) finally ripped while we were away, so he had to swim without them for the last few days. I think he was relying on them too much, and not trying to float on his own. Now that they are gone, we can work a bit more on his swimming.

Opito Bay

One day, Rob & I and the boys drove up to Opito Bay, about an hour north of Whitianga. We’d been there before, but the boys hadn’t. It’s a beautiful spot, and the beach was much quieter than Hahei.

At the end of Opito Bay, there is a saddle in the hill which leads to a totally isolated rocky inlet called Crayfish Bay. We did the walk over the hill to check it out. The cliffs actually look a lot pinker in real life, and they are HUGE! Of course, Rob and the boys wanted to climb all over them and give me a heart attack, so they did.

Whitianga

Every year, we take the ferry over to Whitianga, get fish & chips for dinner, and eat them by the water. This year, we discovered that somebody had left an old sofa on the wooden pirate ship at the playground. There wasn’t enough room for all of us around the picnic table, so Rob & Blair “borrowed” the sofa for extra seating! Leah took this pic of Rob & I sitting on it … it’s quite funny, because the sofa was actually pretty smelly & mangy, and I only sat on it for a few seconds while she took the photo!

Luckily we decided to come home yesterday, and not today (Auckland Anniversary). This morning I read in the NZ Herald that Hahei and Hot Water Beach are completely cut off due to severe flooding, and the road in/out is closed. If we’d stayed one more night, we would still be stranded down there!

Anyway, it was awesome to get away for a break. I finally feel relaxed, refreshed and ready to start the year properly!

Well, we’re off here tomorrow:

I’m obviously not one of those “serious” bloggers, as I don’t have posts written ahead of time and scheduled for publication while I’m away. You will just have to wait until I return … in 9 days’ time.

Summer vacation, here I come!

My apologies to those friends who are on Facebook and have already heard this story … but I just couldn’t leave it untold. My heart is heavy, and burdened, and I have to release some of those thoughts onto “paper”.

Rob and I, together with our boys, sponsor 2 children. We sponsor 5-year-old Nicolda (Haiti) through Tear Fund (also known as Compassion) and 11-year-old Zacharie (Mali) through World Vision. We also used to sponsor 18-year-old Tarike (Ethiopia), but sadly she pulled herself out of the sponsorship programme in 2008. I wrote about that here.

As a family, we pray for all 3 of our “sponsored kids” every single day. We write letters to them. Their photos and artwork are displayed on our fridge. Despite living on the other side of the world, they are a huge part of our lives.

Nicolda Love K Abilhomme is exactly 4 days younger than Tyler. She lives with her mother on the plains of Papette, 5km north of Petit Goave in Haiti, the poorest nation in the Western hemisphere.

In case you have been living under a rock for the past week or so, Haiti suffered a devastating earthquake on January 12. The epicentre of that quake was Leogane, about 25km from the capital of Port-Au-Prince. Petit Goave, where Nicolda lives, is about 30km from Leogane in the opposite direction.

Last week’s quake is estimated to have killed 200,000 people, injured another 250,000 people, and left over a million people homeless. There have been major difficulties getting aid to the country, as well as problems with violence and looting.

Since then, Haiti has endured almost 50 aftershocks. The largest of these hit yesterday. It measured 6.0 on the richter scale, and collapsed 7 buildings in Petit Goave.

At the moment, there is no way for us to find out whether Nicolda and her family are okay. Almost 700 Haitian children are sponsored by Kiwis through Tear Fund. I emailed them, desperate to find out the fate of the little girl who is such a special part of our family. Obviously, they are currently putting all their efforts into providing and administering immediate emergency aid for the victims of the earthquake.

Tear Fund’s reply:
“For the more than 680 child sponsors around the country, we are making a concerted effort to get information. However, there are a great many people unaccounted for at this stage. We will let our child sponsors know as soon as we can about the children they sponsor.”

Until then, we simply wait. We don’t know if Nicolda is dead or alive, injured, homeless, or orphaned. All I can do is pray, so I have been praying my heart out. We all have.

My boys have been asking if Nicolda is okay. We pray for our sponsored kids at the dinner table when we say grace, and again when the kids say their prayers at bedtime. I have shown them photos online of the devastation in Haiti. I don’t believe in “sheltering” them from the truth. After all, if something has happened to Nicolda, they will need to be told. She is part of our family.

But it hurts that I can’t answer their questions. They have also asked what would happen if we had an earthquake here? If it can happen to Nicolda, then why not them? I don’t want them to be afraid, but the reality is, we live in a world where natural disasters DO happen. I guess most of us just believe that they won’t happen to THEM. This one has hit us very close to home, very close indeed.

Nicolda, we continue to pray for you and your family everyday. You are part of OUR family, part of our lives, and always in our hearts. That will never change, whatever happens. We love you.

*If you are in NZ and would like to make a donation to help the people of Haiti, phone Tear Fund on 0800 800 777 or World Vision on 0800 80 2000.

In an effort to have more fun in 2010, we’ve been enjoying lots of Family Fun Days.

So far, we’ve visited MOTAT to see their Future Sports Exhibition, been strawberry picking, done a few bush walks, as well as all the regular summertime activities … bike rides, swims at the beach, visits to the playground, etc.

Last Saturday, we decided to visit Ti Point Reptile Park. We’ve been several times in the past, but the boys don’t remember their visits.

It’s such a neat little zoo, set in a huge expanse of bush just before Leigh. The park is home to skinks, geckos, lizards, tuatara, chameleons, tortoises, turtles, an alligator – and, just for fun – monkeys!

I didn’t take that many photos, but I did snap one of this Eastern Bearded Dragon …

… one of Tyler admiring this cute little red-eared turtle …

… and a few of the monkey, eating the banana we gave him:

Tyler absolutely LOVES chameleons, so we spent a lot of time looking at them. Contrary to popular opinion, they don’t usually change colour to camouflage themselves, but to communicate with each other or to cool down/heat up. Tyler was most surprised to discover his library book was incorrect on this important subject!!

The keeper also let Rob hold one of the little tortoises, which was pretty cool!

After the Reptile Park, we headed to Matheson’s Bay for a swim and some afternoon tea. It’s such a lovely little beach, and it was a gorgeous HOT blue sky day.

I had fun taking and editing these photos of the boys, looking out over the water:

So … what’s next in our quest for FUN? Our annual summer holiday at Hahei! Yep, we leave on Saturday for 9 days of sun, sand and spectacular company (my parents, my sister Leah and – for half the time – our friends Murray & Glenys, Blair & Shelley, and baby Emme).

After working through most of January while many others (including my 3 boys!) were on holiday, I am REALLY looking forward to my summer vacation!

I know that working from home and living just a few hundred metres from the beach is nowhere near as bad as being stuck in a city office all day long, but it still sucks being trapped behind a computer for so many hours a day. I will be VERY glad to leave technology behind for 9 blissful days. No blogs, no emails, no Facebook, no message boards … ahhh, I can’t wait!

Just wanted to share some more Design Team work that I have been doing for Scrappin’ Patch.

This time, I’m able to show you the full layouts.

Adrienne & Pauline sent me some of the new Basic Grey “Origins” papers to play with (available to purchase in the shop here).

Here’s what I came up with:

BLOOM

The photo was taken at my MIL’s house on Boxing Day. Journalling says, “I love watching you grow every single day”.

Products used:
Basic Grey “Origins” papers and stickers
Prima Cherry Blossom branch, Gallery Roses and leaves
Prima pearls
Prima packaging
Webster’s Pages alphas
My Mind’s Eye journalling card
Making Memories frame
Misc. chipboard scroll

TASTE OF SUMMER

The photo was taken in Fiji last year. The title says “Cocktails by the Pool = the Taste of Summer”.

Products used:
Basic Grey “Origins” papers and stickers
Scenic Route, October Afternoon and Pink Paislee papers
Yellow cardstock
Little Yellow Bicycle journalling tag
3 Bugs in a Rug and Scenic Route stickers
Prima flowers
Prima pearls
Heidi Swapp date stamp
Prima, Pink Paislee, American Crafts and Carolee Creations alphas

As a mum of 2 boys, I often get comments like:

“I bet they keep you on your toes.”
“Wow, you must be busy keeping up with them.”
“Boys are so active, how do you keep up?”

To be perfectly honest, I don’t. They both run circles around me.

My boys are both very active and sporty, but in different ways. Ethan is an extremely fast sprinter and a great climber. Tyler is always on the go, and has mad scooter skills (I imagine he would fare just as well on a skateboard, surfboard or snowboard, if he had them). They both have pretty good ball skills, and they are both confident bike riders.

It’s no surprise, really. I only donated 50% of their DNA. Their Daddy LOVES sport – watching and participating. I’ve never seen him try a sport and NOT be good at it. Skateboarding, soccer, tennis, bowling, cricket, squash, rugby, swimming, cycling, snowboarding, golf, kayaking, badminton, softball, running, weightlifting, wakeboarding, petanque. You name it, he can do it. It’s sickening.

I, however, am not really a sporty person. I’m more of a bookish person. I didn’t play any team sports when I was at school. I tried a few things, but nothing really “fit”.

Sure, I like the outdoors and I LOVE the beach. But I love to stroll down to the beach, have a leisurely swim, and then lie on the sand reading my book. My boys would rather run/skip/hop to the beach, expend tons of energy in the water, do a little skimboarding, play some beach cricket, and then have a few running races before getting stuck into making sandcastles.

Worlds apart, people.

I joined the gym a few years ago, and went regularly for a couple of years. However, I let my membership lapse because I wasn’t seeing the (weight loss) results I wanted. Instead of spending $60/month on gym fees, I decided to spend the same amount attending Weight Watchers meetings. After losing 11kg and reaching my goal weight, I no longer have to pay for WW meetings. And I finally saw the results I wanted.

But this means I *should* rejoin the gym. I *should* tone up and get fit. Now that Tyler is also at school, I have more flexibility in my workday to fit in 3 or 4 workouts each week. So I’m probably going back to Curves when school starts up again.

In the meantime, I’m trying to go walking and do more incidental exercise. During Term 4, the boys and I walked to and from school almost every day. I think I only drove the car 3 times in 10 weeks, when we had torrential rain. Now school is not far from our house; it’s only a 5 minute walk. But walking there and back twice a day equals 20 minutes of walking each day. Now the boys are on their school holidays, I’m not getting that exercise anymore.

And yes, sadly, I have noticed the difference. My clothes have been getting a little tight. This is also partly a result of over-indulging during the Festive season, but I have no doubt the lack of exercise is also a big culprit.

So until I return to the gym, I’m trying to get out there and pound the pavements every day (or at least 4-5 times a week). On Sunday night I went for a power walk, just me and my iPod, conquering lots of steps and hills. It was great. I felt great.

Tonight, I was all set to head out for my walk after dinner, when Tyler decided that he wanted to come. So I had the idea of making it a family event. All 4 of us embarked on an evening walk. For fitness. The route included a huge set of steps.

Before we left, I made sure everybody knew that I did not want to be held back by dawdlers. *I* would be setting the pace, and they needed to keep up.

Yeah. I needn’t have worried. My boys TOTALLY OUTDID ME. They wanted to run (RUN!) most of the way. I don’t “do” running. They powered up the steps without stopping, and then stood at the top watching me bringing up the rear, all the while proclaiming, “that wasn’t hard at all” and “I’m not even puffed”.

Nice.

While I’m pleased that my boys are so fit and active, it has not done much for my self-confidence! I have always considered myself a pretty fast walker, and I know other family members would concur (Mum, Leah). But I have been taken down a peg or two.

Next time, I think I will go back to walking on my own. Although I could probably do with 3 personal trainers urging me to “go faster!” and “come on, catch up to us!”, I think I prefer listening to Rob Thomas asking, “what if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you?” or the melodic strains of Jason Mraz declaring, “I’m yours”.

Yes, it will be just me and my iPod from now on … and walks with the family will be JUST FOR FUN!

Here is a sneak peek of my very first lot of Design Team work for Scrappin’ Patch.

This is a Take Out Kit called “Little Guy” and, as the name suggests, it is perfect for those boy layouts! It’s bright, colourful and fun, just like those special little guys in our lives.

I’ve designed 4 layouts for this kit, which will go on sale in the shop soon, so why not order one to take to the SP retreat, or your next crop day, and take the hassle and hard work out of scrapping those boy photos!

The book “Love In Aotearoa” by Karen McMillan is all about – you guessed it – love. The back cover says, “Love is the most important aspect of our lives. With love we become vibrant, passionate and caring people, living fully.”

There is a great chapter in this book about Fun Family Times. Here’s a little excerpt:

“Creating a fun family culture is one of the most important things any family can do – whether it is your immediate or extended family. Being able to laugh helps put life into perspective and even mundane tasks can be an adventure if humour is involved. Fun family times are a wonderful bonding experience. So be creative, be adventurous and make sure you take the time to plan some family fun. Use your organisational skills to get the good times happening – or they might not happen at all.”

I really love that.

Rob & I do try hard to make time for family fun, but I want to make even more of an effort this year.

Just thinking back over the past few years, I came up with a nice list of some of the fun things we have done together as a family:

* Every year, we have fish & chips at the beach on Christmas Eve.
* We go strawberry picking, and let them eat some of the berries before getting the buckets weighed.
* Once, after a hail storm, we served the kids a plate of hail each for dinner.
* We have family movie nights, with blacked out windows and popcorn. On our last movie night, all 4 of us ate hotdogs, popcorn and candy for dinner.
* We’ve made huts in the lounge using cushions, blankets and furniture.
* Sometimes we let our kids wear their pyjamas in public.
* We have picnics on the living room floor in wet weather.
* A few times, I’ve served the boys their dinner in the bath.
* We do silly photo shoots.
* We make our own pizzas, burittos or fajitas, and let the kids choose their own toppings/fillings.
* Every now and then, we pack into the car and head off on a spontaneous adventure.
* We put on funky music and dance around the living room.
* Every so often, we eat breakfast at dinnertime (pancakes).
* We draw hopscotches on the driveway with chalk.
* I’ve let the kids wear superhero costumes to the grocery store.
* We have made a fire on the back lawn and toasted marshmallows on sticks pulled off our trees.
* Rob has taken the kids on “boys only” road trips, and they have slept in the back of the station wagon.
* We take our kids to rock concerts and rugby games.
* We bake cookies, muffins and gingerbread people together.
* I’ve let the kids wear gumboots and beanies (winter hats) to the beach.
* We buy lots of yummy fruit and make huge colourful fruit platters, and eat it on the floor.
* I take the boys out, individually, on dates. Dinner at a nice restaurant, or afternoon tea at a cafe.
* We’ve put the tent up in the backyard and slept in it for no reason.
* We fly kites on windy days.
* We feed ducks at the pond.

I have heaps of great ideas for fun things to try this year.

Things like themed dinners, where all the food is the same colour, or is based on a favourite movie. More scavenger hunts and treasure hunts, for no particular reason. Family water fights in the backyard. Eating dessert before dinner. A photo journey, where we have a list of things to take photos of. Sleeping outside on the trampoline, under the stars. More spontaneous road trips. Late night ice cream runs in our PJs. Midnight feasts. Games nights. More movie nights. More “Boys Only” road trips. More Mummy/Son date nights. Role reversal days, where the kids get to be the adults and make all the rules. “Just Because” parties. Slumber parties (we haven’t ventured there yet, but Ethan is probably old enough now). Playstation play-offs.

I’d love to hear your ideas; fun things that you have tried with your families or have always wanted to try.

I am determined to have more FUN in 2010!